How It All Started

Recovery is the best decision I have ever made.

Before recovery, I was exhausted from being exhausted. Sick and tired of being sick and tired.

In recovery, they say once you turn into a pickle, you can't go back to being a cucumber. Thank goodness. Because being a cucumber meant I was still sitting in the garden pretending everything was okay when it wasn't.

My thinking had become unmanageable. My solution was often to check out—whether through alcohol, avoidance, or trying to quiet the constant noise in my mind.

Okay, mostly alcohol, let's be honest.

It was all I thought about from the time I woke up until the time I went to bed.

Years before I found recovery, I developed severe vertigo. I could no longer drive safely, focus on work, or manage daily tasks the way I once had. I lost my ability to deliver mail because I couldn't drive or concentrate on sorting the mail.

I eventually found a job close to home where I could walk if needed. I was doing well. I was close to moving into management.

Then I hit another bottom.

This time, anxiety turned into panic attacks.

I spent years trying to hold everything together while feeling like I was falling apart inside.

I didn't think I could breathe on my own.

I drank to fall asleep.

I spent my days obsessing about alcohol and my nights trying to escape my own mind.

Every morning felt like a walk down the Hall of Shame.

Who did I call?

Who did I text?

What did I say?

How did I act?

What do I need to clean up today?

I even hid alcohol from my husband to make sure I had enough for the next day if I needed it before he got home from work with another bottle.

A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do, right?

Except it wasn't funny anymore.

I had no life force left in me.

I was physically exhausted, emotionally depleted, mentally overwhelmed, and spiritually sick.

One of the most painful things for me to admit is that before recovery, my family often felt like they were getting in the way of what I wanted to do. I treated them like they weren’t important to me. I acted Iike it didn’t matter if they stayed in my life or not.

I wanted to alter my mind.

I wanted to party.

I wanted to escape.

I wanted relief from the constant noise in my head.

I carried resentment and used it to fuel my addictions. It was easier to blame circumstances, other people, and life itself than it was to look honestly at what was happening inside of me.

I spent years living as a victim of my circumstances.

Then one morning, after another night of drinking and another morning filled with shame, fear, and exhaustion, I woke up and wanted to die.

That thought had crossed my mind before.

More than once.

More than I ever admitted to anyone.

I grabbed a bottle, a few beers, a pack of cigarettes, and walked outside.

I sat there and searched for local treatment centers.

I made the calls.

I committed to detox and rehabilitation.

That decision changed my life.

Recovery gave me a foundation, but I quickly realized I needed more than simply stopping drinking.

I needed a new way of thinking.

I needed to understand my emotions.

I needed to challenge old beliefs and patterns.

I needed to become aware of unconscious behaviors that had been running my life for years.

After all, you don't know what needs to change until you become aware of it.

You don't know what you don't know.

Recovery changed everything.

Today, one of the greatest gifts recovery has given me is my family.

I genuinely enjoy spending time with my children and my husband.

I enjoy being present for the moments I used to miss.

I enjoy conversations.

Laughter.

Adventures.

And simply being together.

That may sound simple, but for me it is everything.

This is my life.

Not the life I thought I wanted.

The life I didn't know was possible.

Today, I am proud of my past because it helped shape who I am.

I am proud of my recovery because it allows me to walk beside others who are struggling and remind them that change is possible.

My story is not one of perfection.

My story is one of transformation.

And every challenge, every setback, every lesson, and every hard-earned victory has been worth it.

#WorthIt

As my recovery journey continued, I became involved in service work, sponsored women, and discovered the incredible power of community.

I learned that healing happens when we stop trying to do everything alone.

My path eventually led me to become a Certified Peer Support Specialist and Family Peer Support Specialist.

Through this work, I learned how to advocate for others until they can advocate for themselves.

To me, peer support is not about fixing people.

It's about helping people build skills, confidence, awareness, and resources so they can create lasting change in their own lives.

Give a person a fish and they eat for a day.

Teach a person to fish and they can feed themselves for a lifetime.

Along the way, I explored many different healing modalities, educational opportunities, and personal growth practices.

Each one offered a new piece of the puzzle.

Some helped me understand my thoughts.

Some helped me understand my emotions.

Some helped me reconnect with my body.

Some helped me reconnect with my purpose.

Together, they helped me rebuild a life worth living.

The Humming Bird Space was born from that journey.

It was created from the belief that healing often requires more than one approach.

People may benefit from recovery programs, peer support, therapy, education, community connection, spiritual exploration, emotional healing, service work, or learning practical life skills.

There is no one path.

There is no one answer.

There is no one-size-fits-all solution.

The Humming Bird Space exists to help people access support, education, resources, community, and multiple healing modalities so they can discover what works for them.

We provide wraparound support, encouragement, education, and connection.

We do not replace sponsors, therapists, doctors, treatment providers, or mental health professionals.

Instead, we work alongside them.

Healing requires participation.

Growth requires action.

Transformation requires willingness.

Whether you are navigating recovery, mental health challenges, life transitions, grief, isolation, burnout, or simply learning how to be human, we want you to know:

You are not alone.

Healing is possible.

And sometimes the smallest decision can change the course of an entire life.

Mine did.